


Confundo

by Eggspelliarmus



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, but she can't stand their sexual tension, newt is depressed, phones in wizarding world, text fic (sort of), tina ships those idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:17:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggspelliarmus/pseuds/Eggspelliarmus
Summary: Update: Ch 2 is a gossip article about Percival and Newt making out at the restaurant, with mild angst and mostly fluff after they finish reading the articleFrom Newt: Tina I am pathetic falling for someone who obviously doesn't even notice meFrom Newt: But I love how he is in this nice suit of his it makes him look more handsome than before - not that I think he isn't without that suit anyway - I wonder what does he look like without that suitFrom Newt: I can't wait to feel his muscles stretching beneath his shirt. I sound like a creep I know.From Newt: Have I ever told you that I love his dark eyes?From Newt: Oh my I am so sorry Mr Graves Wrong number wrong numberOr, Newt accidentally sent his lovestruck texts originally intended for Tina to Percival, and the latter isn't very pleased that his little angel is pining for someone who isn't himIn other words: two idiots who are in love with each other thinks that the other person is not never going to love him. Jealousy and chaos ensure.





	1. Chapter 1

**From Newt:** Tina, I can't stand the date anymore. Jasmine is a very nice person and she tells some stupid puns too. But it just isn't right.  
**From Newt:** I feel like I am wasting my date's time. She deserves to be with a man who wishes to develop a relationship with her, not this pathetic moron who is pining over someone who will definitely.not love him back.  
**From Newt:** Speaking of my one true love I think he looked at me when we were talking about Amelia my sick occamy baby??? But I can't read his face??? Do you think he's annoyed that I visit you too often and I am distracting you from your work??  
**From Newt:** Merlin's beard do you think he hates me?  
**From Newt:**  Tina I am pathetic falling for someone who obviously doesn't even notice me  
**From Newt:** But I love how he is in this nice suit of his it makes him look more handsome than before - not that I think he isn't without that suit anyway - I wonder what does he look like without that suit

 **From Newt:**  I can't wait to feel his muscles stretching beneath his shirt. I sound like a creep I know.

 **From Newt** : Have I ever told you that I love his dark eyes?  
**From Newt** : Oh my I am so sorry Mr Graves Wrong number wrong number

  
**Newt is off-line**

Percival Graves stared at the illuminating object in his hand - his phone - the no-maj device that went viral in the wizarding society recently. The wizards still keep on the using the traditional communicating method of owling, but it was more or less limited to formal and official usage these days. The younger generation was more keen on using communicating devices that enable instantaneous chats with friends, rather than the old-fashioned and time-consuming ones. They had a point though, why wait for a leter in agony while you could receive a text within matters of seconds? Besides, quite a number of crimes had been reported with the emergence of such devices as they became more prominent among wizards. As director of Magical Security, Percival felt obliged to know more about this no-maj invention.

Following trends was never Percival's cup of tea. He started using phones not several months ago - not to be chic or to follow trend, but for aiding him to uphold magical security. There had been quite a number of crimes reported to be associated with the emergence of smartphones, and showed an increasing trend as they became more prominent among wizards. As director of Magical Security, Percival felt obliged to know more about this no-maj device. To know more about their working mechanism, there was no better way than to buy one and use it himself.

Or maybe he just needed an excuse to stalk a certain magizoologist on social networking media. 

Anyway, that was another story.

 

  
Frowning at his phone, Percival did not feel pleased after reading the magizoologist's wrongly-sent messages. He didn't have to be the one of Picquery's finest aurors to know that the messages had told him a great deal about Newt's currently （seemingly unsatisfactory）love life.

  
_1\. Newt was stuck_ in _a date with someone who obviously wasn't his love interest - damn that Jasmine - how dare she flirted with him so shamelessly by telling him terrible puns._

  
Percival felt agitated at the mental image of Newt, smiling shyly at his date, as they shared a cup of vanilla-flavoured gelato. He punched his desk in frustration, causing Auror Johnson to drop the pile of files he was holding as he was planning to enter Percival's office to ask him to sign a couple of documents. Picking up the files from the carpeted ground, Auror Johnson immediately realised that it might not be the best time to bother his boss and decided to leave him alone first, as he hurried away from his fuming boss’ office.

  
_2\. Newt was obviously in love with someone who appeared not to love him back which did not make any sense at all, as Newt was way too endearing for someone to hate him._

  
Newt's love interest must be blind or retarded. Percival commented, as he gripped his phone so tightly as if it was the neck of the man that Newt pined over for.

  
_3\. The most important of all: Newt was really careless and clumsy and that made him more adorable than ever in Percival's mind._

  
No, that was not the point. The main reason leading to Percival's distress was that Newt was in love with some moron who obviously had a bad taste that they didn't love the poor magizoologist back. Just thinking of Newt pining for them made Percival's blood boil in anger. He definitely deserved better than that.

  
Re-reading Newt's messages, an idea suddenly came into being in Percival's mind - by seeking out the magizoologist's love interest, he might be able to put an end to Newt's painful pining. And no, he was not thinking of throwing the man that he was so jealous of to the wilds of Alaska so he could never hurt Newt again, even though he might not be aware of his behaviours.

 

Brows furrowed in thought, Percival drafted a list of the criteria for Newt’s possible love interest.

  
1\. Judging from Newt's usage of pronoun, his love interest was a male.

  
2\. Whoever he was, he was within the Department of Magical Security, as Newt mentioned seeing him looking at Tina and him when they were chatting.

  
3\. He wore a suit, and did that rather constantly

  
He was an auror, working in the department that Percival was in charge of, constantly wore suit, and was perhaps kind of muscular. Also, he must be in a position higher than Porpentina Goldstein, as he would glare at the short-haired auror when he thought she was being distracted from her work. The director concluded.

  
This reduced down the list of ~~suspects~~ love interests to only a quarter of the original list, as he could eliminate all female workers, workers with rankings lower than Tina, and those with a distaste for suits.

  
This left him with only a handful of aurors with senior rankings.

  
Four of them, to be exact.

 

 

** Suspect 01: Auror Harley Phan **

  
Auror Phan was chatting with the trainee auror that was assigned to him several months ago – flirting, to be exact. The trainee was a very charming lady; Percival had to admit, even though he was not interested in women. (To be honest, he did not have much interest in men either unless he was called Newt Scamander and called himself the mummy of his case of magical beasts.)

  
He seemed to be the type of person who paid little attention to people other than the one he was keen on pursuing a romantic relationship with.

  
_Didn’t even notice Newt. Check._

  
Plus, he was openly straight. Percival noted as he frowned at the chatting duo’s overly intimate behaviours. He was tempted to yell at the trainee auror who was sitting on Phan’s lap, giggling at the man’s joke, flipping her long blonde hair as she laughed.

  
_Will definitely not love Newt back. Check._

  
But no – he was constantly distracted from his work as well, by the pretty girl currently sitting on his lap – Percival wondered how on Earth did he managed to be promoted to the post of Senior Auror in the first place. There was no way that he would be Newt’s love interest who glared at him for distracting Auror Goldstein from her work, as he wasn’t very keen on working himself.

  
_Nope. Not going to be him._

 

 

**Suspect 02: Auror Tristan Kane**

  
Kane was sipping his cup of espresso when Percival decided to observe him from his office. Rubbing his eyes, he yawned as he continued with his paperwork. Percival’s glance followed the auror’s hand to his half-lidded eyes. He had raven orbs.

  
_Dark eyes. Check._

  
The man put down the cup of coffee, accidentally spilling some of the hot liquid onto his hand. Cursing, the man pulled out his wand to cast a quick cleaning spell, as he hissed in pain. He stood up to toss the now empty disposable coffee cup into the rubbish bin, revealing his large belly that was originally hidden behind his desk. Glancing at his flabby arms, Percival crossed out his name.

  
_Not muscular. Nope._

 

 

**Suspect 03: Augustus Culburn**

  
Auror Culburn was third in his checklist of suspects, yet he was nowhere to be seen. Percival stood up and exited his office, hoping to be able to locate his target somewhere in the office, and discovered him to be hiding in the pantry stuffing a muffin into his mouth. The man gave out a very undignified scream as he looked into Percival’s murderous eyes, his grip loosened, and the muffin rolled onto the marble floor.

  
He made note of the scared man’s emerald green eyes, and left Auror Culburn, shocked and confused, alone in the pantry.

  
_No dark eyes. Nope._

 

  
**Suspect 04: Elliot Madison**

  
Auror Madison was laughing at the younger Goldstein’s jokes, who happened to drop by to visit her sister, his arms stretching, revealing his muscular, well-trained torso.

  
_Muscular. Check._

  
Supporting his face with his clasped hands, Graves glanced through the half-shut blinds covering his window, observing the last suspect on his list. He gave a friendly slap on the younger Goldstein’s shoulder, grinning from ear to ear, his smile reaching his hazel eyes.

  
_Dark eyes. Check._

  
Percival was observing Auror Madison with such intensity that he failed to notice the older Goldstein sister was standing right outside his office until she decided to clear her throat. Caught unaware of his surroundings, Percival gave out a fake cough to cover up his awkwardness, as he invited Tina to come in.

  
“These are the papers about the magical sightings in the Central Park by several no-maj last week, Mr Graves,” putting down the pile of documents, Tina said, “I need your signature – what’s that?”

  
Tina eyed the checklist with the names of nearly all aurors and associated personals under the Department of Magical Security suspiciously.

  
“Are you planning to fire us all? You seemed to cross out nearly everyone’s name, except Auror Madison’s,” she asked frowning.

  
“Of course not,” Percival answered. Goldstein would not be dumb enough to think that he was really going to fire everyone in the department, would she? Handing Tina the signed documents, Percival was planning to ask the female auror to leave his office so he could continue with his deductions, but changed his mind quickly after remembering how close she was to the magizoologist.

  
“Goldstein, I have a very serious question to ask you,” crossing his arms over his chest, Percival bent forward as Tina nodded, acknowledging him to continue, “Among those who are of a higher rank than you in the Department of Magical Security, who would you agree to be having dark eyes, always wears a suit, and strongly-built?”

  
“Auror Madison, I’d say,” Tina replied without having second thoughts, “Why did you ask, sir?”

  
Percival nodded. It seemed that his suspicion was confirmed.

  
“Nothing special,” he answered.

  
“Oh, there is someone else who fits the criteria, other than Auror Madison, “ turning on her heels and ready to leave the director’s office, Tina continued, as Percival stared at her with such curiousity, “You fit all these criteria, sir. Don’t you see?”

  
And it clicked.

 

 

**Suspect 05: Percival Graves**

  
_Dark eyes. Check._

  
_Always wore suits. Check._

  
_Strongly-built. Check._

  
_Serious attitude for work that he glanced at Auror Goldstein when she was distracted from her work. Check._

 

_Stared at Newt and Auror Goldstein when they talked ~~out of annoyance~~ because he was pining for the magizoologist. Check._

 

 

Percival gasped at the sudden realisation.

  
He stood up and grabbed his coat, swinging it over his shoulder.

  
He had a message to reply to.

  
In person.

 

 

The aurors looked at their boss in confusion at his stormed out of his office, without even taking his briefcase along with him.

 

Other than Auror Porpentina Goldstein, of course, who was staring at her phone with a quirky smile.

 

  
**From Newt** : Oh no Tina I texted the wrong number thinking that was you just now  
**From Newt** : I texted Graves and I rambled how much I love him and how pathetic my pining for him is.  
**From Newt** : After the dinner with Jasmine I am going back to England goodbye  
**From Newt** : He must now think that I am disgusting  
**From Tina** : Newt, calm down.  
**From Newt** : HOW COULD I CALM DOWN??!!  
**From Newt** : Jasmine looks worried for me I might look too aggressive just now  
**From Newt** : Sorry for yelling at you in my text Tina  
**From Tina** : Don’t worry, I think it will turn out to be better than what you are thinking.  
**From Newt:** What do you mean?  
**From Newt** : WHAT ON EARTH IS GRAVES DOING HERE?  
**From Newt** : OH NO HE IS WALKING TOWARDS US HE LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BURN A HOLE IN JASMINE’S HEAD

  
**Newt is offline**

 

“Would you give us a moment, Miss?” stopping right in front of the dating duo, Percival asked Jasmine, who was busily stuffing her mouth with creme brulee, as the girl smiled at him and claimed that she suddenly had a desperate need to use to the powder room, stranding the poor magizoologist with the director.

  
Percival sat down at Jasmine’s seat, and stared at Newt, who was trying so hard to avoid his glance by staring at his own lap as if there was something of particular interest crawling on it, perhaps a rare creature that nearly went extinct on American soil.

  
“No, he didn’t hate you. He didn’t stare at you and Auror Goldstein because he was annoyed with you, neither he thought that you were distracting Auror Goldstein from her work. Rather, he was staring at you because he thought he was the one pining for you. He most definitely loves you back, and you are not pathetic falling for him, for he has been thinking that he was the pathetic one pining for this angel in blue since the day you saved him from Grindelwald’s dark cellar.”

  
Newt slowly looked up, his mouth hung opened in shock. Percival chuckled at his adorable reaction.

  
“ He always notices you. How could someone not notice you, for you are so breathtakingly beautiful? And your kindness for animals and for men makes you stand out from the crowd. He loves how you are in that blue coat of yours. He thinks that it makes you more endearing than ever - not that he thinks that you aren’t without that navy blue coat anyway – He always wonders how you look like without that coat when he is in bed, all on his own,” looking into Newt’s sapphire blue orbs, Percival confessed.

  
“Has he - Have I ever told you that I love your blue eyes?”

 

 **From Jasmine** : The confundus charm was working Newt did send the message originally intended for you to Mr Graves

 **From Jasmine** : Everything went according to our plan Tina

 **From Jasmine** : We did it  
**From Jasmine** : Yes they are kissing  
**From Jasmine** : Oh wait no-  
**From Tina:** What are they doing tell me  
**From Jasmine** : Mr Graves is pinning Newt onto the table  
**From Jasmine** : Merlin’s beard you have to see this  
**From Jasmine** : _sexygaymakeout.jpg_  
**From Jasmine:** Tina we need to see this picture to The New York Ghost  
**From Jasmine** : It’s priceless  
**From Tina:** Hang on what  
**From Tina** : Those idiots are finally together I mean FINALLY their sexual tension is unbearable  
**From Jasmine** : Wait I think they are kicked out for public obscene behaviour?  
**From Jasmine** : Oh they are apparating  
**From Jasmine** : Guess you don’t have to wait for Newt to come home

 

 

 


	2. New York Ghost Gossip Column

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New York Ghost Gossip
> 
> With Photos! Picquery's Right-Hand man snogging America's Favourite Magizoologist at Margaret's
> 
> Or a gossip article about Percival and Newt making out at the restaurant and Newt talks about his past of people speaking ill of him. A very pissed of Percival comforts his beloved. Mild angst, but mostly fluff 
> 
> Enjoy!

New York Ghost Gossip

**With Photos!**

**Picquery's Right-Hand man snogging America's Favourite Magizoologist at Margaret's**

_By the New York Ghost's Gossip Correspond, Elizabeth Harrison_

  
Ever since the publication of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the author of the book, Newton Scamander has become America's favourite magizoologist. Aside from his passion for conserving and protecting magical creatures that America has once detested and had a general disinterest in, the freckled magizoologist's handsome appearance and adorable response to being catapulted into the limelight has gained him quite an astonishing number of fans, male and female alike, other than the cluster of young children who were fascinated by the thunderbird Frank or Pickett the bowtruckle.

  
Fans of America's favourite magizoologist is going to be utterly disappointed when they see today's headline - perhaps shed several drops of heartbroken tears as well - for the pretty young witches who are obsessed with the good-looking magizoologist, as he was found snogging the Director of the Department of Magical Security of MACUSA at Margaret's yesterday evening.

  
Late at night yesterday, Mr Scamander was having a date with a charming young witch when Mr Graves suddenly decided to barge in, terrorising the poor girl to retreat to the powder room. With Mr Scamander all to his own, Madam President's right-hand man muttered several lines of sweet little nothings to the petrified magizoologist, and the latter started to change from sulking and utterly afraid to blissfully radiating happiness once the man had finished his speech for the sole enjoyment of Mr Scamander. One would not think a stern man like Mr Graves would be able to woo our favourite magizoologist with sweet little talks, but it seemed that we were all wrong, as the man quickly pinned a blushing Mr Scamander onto the table, right before a passionate and longing kiss was shared among the two, the magizoologist grasping Mr Graves' long overcoat, their bodies were practically merged with each other’s. The director's hand was entangled in Mr Scamander's curly hair, as they rubbed against each other in a suggestive manner. It was reported, by the unpleased parent of a startled young audience, that the taller man appeared to have a bulge in the most inappropriate region ever imagined on him. Allegedly, the physical response of Mr Graves was ignited right after he desperately pinned the magizoologist onto the table, his eyes full of predator-like hunger.

  
No wonder America's favourite magizoologist was so appealed by wild beasts and animals to the point of obessession, that he was rumoured to keep several dangerous and pretty much illegal wild animals in this mysterious case of his, as he was clearly enamoured by men driven by animal instincts as well, who would probably devour him with such hunger and lust right in front of everyone. Perhaps Mr Scamander, was in fact a closest exhibitionist, his kink was only revealed to the public on that fateful night, by no other man than one of the American wizarding world's best aurors. Though being just an idea conjured up paparazzis, fans of the magizoologist found that their awkward and shy idol might have kinks of being an exhibitionist remarkably alluring.

  
The duo was so indulged in their intimate, almost obscene activity that they almost forgot they were in public, as Mr Scamander let out a squeaky moan that was muffled by the director's sealed lips, the latter's hand travelled beneath the magizoologist's ruffled white button-up. This was the critical moment that sparked off the anger of the owner of the restaurant, Madam Margaret, when she decided to voice out her concern that it was a family-friendly diner, not a love motel, and asked the two gentlemen to excuse them.

  
Face flustered and hair tangled like a pair of puffskeins fresh from fight, the magizoologist quickly apologized, as the director held him close for a side-apparation. The location was presumed to the director's home, where the love-birds spent a long night together, suspected to be doing unimaginable business, since Mr Scamander only left at the break of dawn, with disarranged hair and in a button-up full of creases, the Hufflepuff scarf that symbolised his loyalty to his Hogwarts house draped loosely around his pale neck, with several pink bruises that suggested the owner's indulgence in a certain kind late night activities peeking out from behind the wool, a blissful and shy smiling made its way to his pink lips. Kissing the director goodbye, he apparated home right outside the apartment of Mr Graves, completely obnoxious to the existance of the slew of paparazzi outside his new lover's home.

 

 

  
"What on Earth do the reporters of New York Ghost think they were doing,” slamming the new issue of the gossip page of New York Ghost onto his desk, accidentally knocking over some documents and quills, Percival Graves practically yelled, and his face flushed in anger.

  
"Percy, it's ok," rubbing the shoulder of the clearly agitated director, Newt replied with a soft smile plastered on his face, "At least they said I am America's favourite magizoologist, not that lunatic who lets his case of dangerous animals loose and nearly exposes the magical world."

  
"But they said terrible things about you, Newt," Percival gritted his teeth, his brows furrowed in obvious anger, "I am going to kill them all."

  
"They are paparazzi, what do you expect them to do? They need juicy contents to attract the interest of the mass," burying his nose in Percival's hair, Newt forced back a bitter smile, "Besides, it is not the first time the others say bad things about me anyway. I am used to it already."

  
"What do you mean not your first time that the others say bad things about you?" Percival asked, his brow arched in confusion, as he turned around to look into the magizoologist's sapphire blue eyes. He reached out for his beloved‘s hands and clenched them tightly in his owns, as if they were the most valuable treasures of this world.

  
“It’s n-nothing,” avoiding Percival’s hawk-like glare directed not towards him but to those who were daring enough to harm the sweet magizoologist, Newt stuttered, “It’s no something that you would care to know about.”

  
“Nonsense,” kissing the knuckles of the man in the blue coat, Percival immediately replied as he pulled the smaller man onto sitting on his lap, resulting in a blush to appear on his pale freckled face, “There’s nothing that I don’t want to know about you. I love you, and I want to know more about you. ”

  
He planted an open-mouth kiss onto the magizoologist’s rosy lips to prove his point, causing the latter’s cheeks to redden further as a result of the intimate contact. Even though he had been seeing Percival for quite a while, he was still embarrassed from their intimate behaviours.

  
“When I was in Hogwarts, I was already obsessed with investigating on magical creatures or animals in general. I have even spent an entire night in Le- in someone’s dorm in Slytherin, observing the giant squid in the lake,” cursing himself for his accidental slip of Leta Lestrange’s name, Newt bite his lower lips as memories of a certain someone surfaced from his dusted memory. His change in mood did not go unnoticed by Percival, as he snaked his arms around the magizoologist protectively, lips pressed onto the latter’s hair for a gentle kiss.

  
“A-and I often went to the owlery to oberve the owls’ behaviour, or I just stayed by the lake talking to merpeople. Sometimes I would rather spent time by the lake under the old oak tree playing with the bowtruckles and flobberworm instead of spending my leisure time with other people in my year. So they called me-they called me a freak…” Newt whimpered into Percival’s shoulder, as the director rubbed soothing circles onto his back, whispering comforting words into his ears, “And they said I am weird. I am probably ha-having some kind of interspecies sexual relationship with-with those creatures I love so much.”

  
Pulling himself tighter to Percival, he whispered between sobs, “That Gryffindor boy – Clarke - even asked me-asked me whether it-it felt great to be-to be fucked-fucked by the giant squid’s tentacles.”

  
Percival felt anger dwelling, a pit of fire burning in his stomach, as he heard Newt’s story. The world was a cruel place to outcast, he had already knew during his study in Ilvermorny, but little did he know it could be as ruthless as that. He cursed the person who fabricated bad things about Newt when he was still a student. Just because he was awkward around people and did not enjoy human company did not give them the authority to speak ill of him. As a man of law and of justice, he felt disgusted by the bullying that Newt had to endure during his study at Hogwarts. Utterly agitated, Percival was determined to shield his precious beloved from the harm of the world.

  
“Shush Newt,” he coaxed, pressing more kisses onto Newt’s cheeks as he did, “Don’t worry. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore. I can protect you.”

  
Percival pulled the sobbing magizoologist in for a kiss on the lips, sealing his promise of protecting his lover from harm forever.

  
For the first time in forever, Newt felt to finally be loved by someone wholeheartedly.

  
He could never be happier. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when I wrote about Jasmine asking Tina to send the picture to New York Ghost the idea of writing a gossip column for Gramander making out at a restaurant suddenly comes up so ta da there you go  
> I originally planned to just write the article but the latter fluffy and sort of angsty part suddenly pops up as well so I wrote that as well  
> I feel like Tina and Jasmine have become bad guys as after all they are the ones who sent the photo of Gramander kissing to the newspaper but I don't think they intended for this to happen? And they will probably be sadder than all of us if Newt cries so
> 
> I have absolutely no clue how to write a gossip column I am so sorry  
> Just fabricated a way to write a gossip column from my previous knowledge of writing articles and editorials for my school idk whether if it's accurate

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Constructive criticism is very much welcomed :)


End file.
